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Phydon of Thessaloniki (4th century BC)
Cosmology
• The world is (good).
• The world is real.
• The present moment is all that matters (no regrets, no worries)
• There is a class of mythical beings, called "Masters".
• The world is full of smells.
• All smells are interesting.
The Law
• Finding a good Master is very good.
• Eating is good.
• Being in my Master’s presence is good.
• A good Master must know how to play and let me participate in his
activities.
• Sleep is good.
• Trees are good.
• Fire hydrants are almost as good.
• Taking a leak is good.
• Marking my territory is good.
• Getting my belly scratched by a human is good.
• Running is good.
• Playing with small humans is good.
• Playing in the snow is good.
• Getting scratched behind the ears by a human is good.
• Discovering a new smell is good.
• Gnawing a bone is good.
• Licking my genitals is good.
• Licking a human’s face is good.
• Stealing a slipper or sock, is good.
• Sticking my head out of the window of a moving car (to smell all the
smells) is good.
• Smelling another dog’s butt is good.
• Taking a bath is not so good.
• Getting spoken to nicely by my Master is good.
• Being yelled at by my Master is not so good.
• Catching something running around is good.
• Having sore feet is not so good.
• Listening to a female human sing opera has a strange effect on me.
• If my Master talks to me, I pretend to understand (He seems to like
that)
Eschatology
• Heaven is a place where blessings sometimes fall from the sky (humans
apparently call this place "the kitchen")
• Hell is being alone and attached to a chain.